My Fellow Singaporeans: I am Roy. I am Gay and This is My Story

“See, first of all, I didn’t know how to manage relationships. I didn’t have any relationship to look to or learn from. I wasn’t taught in school how to manage relationships or handle sexual relations. As a society, we choose to be embarrassed about the very thing that we spring out from. The sad thing is that as teenagers, we go through the same concerns that our youths have – when should I have sex, should I have sex, what should I do if my partner wants sex, how should I insist on condom use if my partner doesn’t want to use a condom, and so on. As teenagers, we think about these things but when we become parents, we choose to forget about these and we choose to allow our youths to be put in harm’s way because we have issues dealing with our own beliefs about sex. We become selfish. We think we have to conform to certain norms – society says we cannot talk about sex and we shouldn’t. My religion says I should not encourage discussion about sex and even if I know that in my youth, I would need information on sexuality issues, I will deny the right of youths to have that because my religion says so. We think we know better, but truth is, we have become influenced by others and we speak what others speak, and what authority speaks because we want to belong and be part of a group. We are scared of being different, sidelined – to become an outcast. And then we start discriminating. Against other ethnicities  nationalities, the elderly etc. It becomes a chronic societal issue.

Why am I sharing this story with you, my fellow Singaporeans. I am gay but being gay doesn’t define me. Being gay is only one aspect of me which I am proud of, yes, but it is not something that makes me who I am. It is definitely something that has enriched me. I had to learn to understand why people choose to look at me differently and sometimes, judge me. I had to learn to understand why people are not able to accept me and the attitudes they hold. It has made me more introspective and more aware, not only of myself, but of others as well, and for the better. I’ve learnt that people judge because they do not know. They see a gay person and that’s all they see. But is it any fault of theirs? Humans process information according to how much they can contain – To understand that a gay person has different aspects of his/her life takes time and most people simply think it’s easier to judge a person as being gay than to understand the person as a whole. And this is why I have decided to share this story. I am like the friend you have, your classmate, neighbour or a family member. And I am gay. Are our lives any different? No. But I am gay, and because of that, you might have certain judgments because you think you should have them, because that’s what others say you should have. I am giving us an opportunity to understand me better.”

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  1. saveus

    This should not matter at all. Roy’s political identity is not linked to his personal life. This is where you see ST is horribly skewed and biased.

  2. Sutharsan John Isles

    If you haven’t understood that you were not born gay, then you cannot be sufficiently introspective. People who are sufficiently introspective will understand that they were born either male or female but chose to become gays or lesbians because of certain experiences in life and the social environment of their upbringing and will be able to say that they made a decision to be gay or lesbian for particular reasons which has nothing to do with their birth but choice. If you can agree to what I have said, you are indeed introspective. Otherwise, you are just among the numbers of psychologically affected beings. Let’s see if you figure this out.

    • sethslovenest

      You started off using the word ” understood” and then another abstract term “introspective”. My first question to you is, HAVE YOU ALREADY UNDERSTOOD BEFORE YOU WROTE, OR ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO PROPAGATE IGNORANCE? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING EVEN?

      What do you mean sufficiently introspective? Is there a religious undertone? Where did you get all these terms from, and how would you know what a homosexual person is thinking and how he or she functions unless you are one? Are you? Or you just assume you know already?

      Everyone is born with either the female or male genitalia but what makes you think you know how and why a gender should not use it on the same gender (as it is morally wrong)? You are making lots of sweeping statement, I would not be telling you not to drink coke anymore as the mouth is meant to eat, drink and breathe with a purpose, which means to drink only water and other fluid with nutritional value to the human body. So why do you drink coke, to stimulate your oral senses, and should you not be doing that if you are ‘sufficiently introspective’? Or arent you just a product of your own description, the ‘psychologically affected’? how immoral.

      I knew I was gay at the young age of 5-6 and this DID NOT COME WITH A CHOICE – I was brought up properly, with both loving parents by my side and grew up normally. The sexual orientation is innate but this is BESIDES THE POINT. The point is – If you want to stop a person from loving and showing affection to another person (BESIDES THE POINT – of the same gender), you jolly well have a DAMN GOOD REASON other than being ‘sufficiently introspective’. To experience love and being loved is the greatest and most brilliant thing about being a human being. And this is what I will ask you to study on, research, understand, reflect, think before you write and look completely ignorant. And only write to understand or achieve an understanding, not write to win a meaningless argument. Else you will only appear like a school kid, exercising his or hers limited jknowledge of an issue that is way beyond your grasp.

      • Storm

        Well at least the Bible tells me that sexual immorality is a sin. It also tells me that a person can choose whether or not they want to continue to be gays or lesbians. I have full respect for these people, but I cannot accept what they do. They’re still humans so they have their rights. I’m in no position to change or correct their thinking but since it is not written in law that being homosexual is a crime, I don’t see why it’s not allowed. Until the day it become a crime to be homosexual, it is already a sin that I believe.

      • sethslovenest

        It is kind of tiring ‘educating’ people like you. let me guess, you are still in school?

        The bible is your law, your code and your way of life. IT ISNT EVERYONE ELSE’S. So if you respect everyone else, you would not use the bible on them, because remember, they may or may not be christians and do not subscribe do what the bible says.
        So while you think conserving what the bible dictates is important and relevant today, others may think it is off tangent.

        If the bible tells you it is a chocie for people to be gay, then u should know say that the bible tells you it is a sin to touch or eat the corpse of a pig, no? Go find that line and then tell me ur not a sinner. Things evolve and change, nothing is so much as NATURAL. Just because we dont see dinosaurs living today does not mean they did not exist and are not natural. THINK along that line

        So if you want to connect with people of any kind, you should speak and think out of the bible. Its yours, not mine.

    • anakin mcfly (@anivad42)

      @Sutharsan Your comment doesn’t make sense. Gays and lesbians are still male and female. That’s like saying “you were born Chinese or Malay or Indian but chose to be a student”. It’s not even a choice to begin with; if it was, when did you choose your sexual orientation? And why then would so many LGB people spend years trying desperately to become straight (in some cases committing suicide because nothing worked), if they could really just ‘choose’ to be so?

  3. Aston

    the problem with you gays is that you like to vocalize so much and force people to accept that gay is the norm. you say you just want to live your life, then just go live your life. but stop trying to force people to think that your way of life is right and justified and normal. we will leave you alone if you leave us alone. like you say, we don’t know you and we don’t care what you want to do with your life. but you trying to change what people think by having to be so public and vocal, forcing all your gay views through to make people accept that as normal is what irks everyone else. because that is infringing on our rights. you’re not the only people who think that you have a right to do this and that. we too have rights. and you are infringing our rights by forcing us to accept your life as normal and right.

    • sethslovenest

      you are plain ignorant. Can you also say fat people should not tell people to acept them and not judge them for being fat because it is your right to call them fat?

      No? then think again. Gay people have been prejudiced greatly. This is not about vocalising aimlessly. this is about getting the facts right. Its best if people can live us alone and not tell us its wrong to be gay, such as having the law there which discriminates us and our rights. If you are not sure, then shut up and live your life. If you are sure there are no prejudices and injustice to the gay community, then continue.

      Its amazing how ignorant people can be

      • lol

        And you are ignorant to think that people are not beinf increasingly prejudiced against people like us (who don’t support gay marriage). I respect you as a human and believe you shouldn’t be treated inhumanely but i don’t accept your gay orientation because there isn’t any concrete evidence to prove it isn’t a choice. Obviously you’d say it’s not a choice because humans can be greatly affected by emotions and feelings that slowly make you believe that you have no choice but to feel this way. Nonetheless, i admit idk much about this topic but i know one thing for sure, gay marriage isn’t legalised in singapore because it just isn’t part of nature (if you refuse to accept religious principles which is understandable), if everyone became gay the human race would probably become extinct in no time (not saying that would happen but this is just proving how homosexuality is against the nature of propelling the human race). I honestly don’t hate gays because they are still human but once again, i believe firmly that gay marriage should not be legalised and you can hate on me and people like me all you want.

    • Gabbie

      Stop forcing your bigotry to be accepted by everyone. And since you hate unnatural things, stop taking unnatural medicine and accept your punishment from your sky fuhrer whenever you fall ill, stop cutting your hair, stop wearing unnatural clothes, and so on.. hypocrite!

  4. creacrossive

    get off the internet faggot singapore will never be a pro gay society why mention it? its quite sad to see faggots online trying to fight for a cause while delivering a speech with no confidence. faggot twink

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  10. Singaporean

    There are very few gay men out there who will not try to be ‘cheekopek’ towards other men, straight or gay, if given half the chance. Hence, Singapore is right to not recognise gay marriages, and also to criminalise the act of anal sex between two men. I do not believe for even one second that there are gay men out there who do not harbour any thoughts of having anal sex with another man, so let’s not have anyone try to pull a fast one by spouting the bullshit that gay men do not harbour thoughts of committing or receiving anal sex with another man. Anal sex between men must forever remain a crime in Singapore.

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